Humor Satire Uncategorized

Tinder Swipes Right On Religious Market With ‘Christian’ Version of App

"A lot of my Christian friends have told me that they should be more focused on the person's soul, and to be physically attracted to someone is sinful.”

Jail66

LOS ANGELES—Tinder CEO Sean Rad announced Friday that Hatch Labs was launching a Christian version of the popular dating app. “Many people just assume Tinder is for hooking up. They have reasons to think that, but that’s why we are launching the Christian version of the app.”

Rad hinted that the new app would have zero pictures of the users, so as to avoid “shallow” perceptions of people, since, “Christians shouldn’t be looking at external beauty. A lot of my Christian friends have told me that they should be more focused on the person’s soul, and to be physically attracted to someone is sinful.”

In the place of a selfie or group photo, the user’s main photo will feature their favorite Bible verse overlaid on a picture of their favorite scenery. Rad made it clear that the goal of this app was to make the digital dating experience “as deep as possible,” and the removal of actual portraits was crucial.

Rad also announced that they would be partnering with none other than legendary Christian love guru Gary Chapman to make the app completely kosher. “In place of the five secondary pictures, you will rank your five love languages from most important to least,” stated Rad. He did not specify if these would be the “giving” or “receiving” love languages.

Rad concluded his press conference by hinting at a spot on one’s profile for their Myers Briggs score, but that he had to finish his current Brene Brown lecture series before anything could be set in stone.

“I’m really excited for this to launch,” said Rad. “I think it will take all the shallowness out of digital dating, and hopefully eliminate the possibility of any sexual behavior. I’m so tired of the term ‘hook-up.’”

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4 comments on “Tinder Swipes Right On Religious Market With ‘Christian’ Version of App

  1. Ken Gaverth

    I don’t get it. When I’m feeling most down and irritated, you come out with an article like this. God must have prompted it.
    ~ Shalom ~

  2. youssefjs

    Can I at least hookup with the guy in the article photo? So hawt.

  3. Don’t like this idea….not one bit. Something is fishy and I’m not even a fisherman.

    • I agree… i still want to be attracted to a good-looking man of God. It’s funny imagining I have to scream out loud or to not want to see the guy every time I have to talk to him…

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