There were 10 people in the sauna.
Well, 9 before he entered. Eighteen ears were happily plugged into their favorite music, audiobooks, podcasts, or whichever intravenous media sourced their being. Eighteen ears happily sweated down into their expensive electronics before a total lunatic entered the public gym’s sauna and sat there, with stark naked ears.
He entered and everyone stared as they felt the wave of cool air rush into the sweltering room. He looked around at the ears of his fellow saunees and found none like his. No one wanted to engage in conversation with this absolute nutjob.
Now among the 18 happily entertained ears were two which were not entertained — SAD!
What were they supposed to do — sing to themselves?? Ears cannot sing!
This barbarian took his seat on the wooden bench and was silent like a scheming serial killer. How would he keep himself from going berzerk in the silence for twenty whole minutes?
Only the regressive ape knew that the room was not, in fact, silent, but was filled with the trebly hisses and snares of the 18 earbuds surrounding him. It’s a lovely type of silence that forces the staticky sounds of 9 different songs upon you at once. Of course, how would these normal, decent, good-natured folks know this? They were lost in their merry worlds of personalized playlists and educational audio.
The only risk they were allowing was that the ultra-hot room would fry their electronics, or that their sweat would, but that’s the cost of staying sane. Not so the depraved reprobate without electronics — he took the biggest risk of all: losing his mind in the silent infinity which was his 20-minute sauna time.
What a moron.